Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So vagazzling was a success
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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