i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Found your dick twin last night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The ass gains better be worth it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
