if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize