the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
how drunk are you?
Several
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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