at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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