do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she peed on how many people?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
