I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
