the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
