True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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