Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
