it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
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for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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