Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
