He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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