why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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