I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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