i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
