Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
