Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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