Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
