We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
