it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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