did you get engaged???
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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