Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
