i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
