Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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