So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
