hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
