Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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