There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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