Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize