I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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