At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
