I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
