Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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