Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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