Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
