im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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