I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
