I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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