i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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