i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
