I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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