I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
