so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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