I am in a vortex of obligation.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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