so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
