Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
