If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
