why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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