"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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