I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize