U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
