I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
