I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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