i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
