White coat. Heels.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
