I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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