Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
