he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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